Anxiety.

No, I'm not posting about being anxious in a venting sense. I'm okay right now, don't y'all worry! 

A lot of people know, but those I don't talk to as often may not. I have GAD - Generalized Anxiety Disorder. And depression. I believe mine are more along the lines of high-functioning, but I have them. And I've been in therapy for nearly three years for various issues relating to the anxiety and depression. And I am on medication for both of them. I am fully for erasing the stigma against getting help for mental health, so I see no reason why I shouldn't be open about my issues. We wouldn't deny someone with a physical disability help or medication, so I see no reason why mental health should be denied these things either. 

I believe the depression is finally starting to lift some now that I'm practicing self love. I'm wanting to put effort into my appearance - makeup, clothes that look nice and fit instead of doubling as athletic gear or hanging off of me - treat myself more often instead of denying myself things I want, and generally feeling hopeful about life. I used to think being happy meant never being sad and that when I was sad, it was wrong. Now I know that isn't the case. Being happy means being content with yourself and your life and not pressuring yourself to fit into some sort of mold. You still want to grow, but it doesn't come from a place of hatred. Instead, it comes from a place of love and wanting to better yourself and your life so you can reach your goals and dreams. It means wanting good things because you deserve them. 

And the anxiety. Whoo boy, I can tell I've made progress there. Like today. I got into a bit of an incident where I overthought how I replied to someone's text. I was open about my worry regarding how my reply came across, and he was honest with me. He said that it did slightly come across that way. And oh man did that send me. I wanted so badly to text him and apologize or asked if I'd messed up. I do that with anyone I talk to regularly any time something I say doesn't go quite as I intended. I spiraled badly. But. And this is where the progress comes. I heard the voice of logic -- he said it wasn't too much. He encouraged you to push through and reassured you that you'd be okay. He's known you for three years and told you time and time again he's going to be part of your life for as long as you want him to be. And I ended up listening to it. Am I still tense? Yes. But that's a normal reaction to an anxiety attack. 

Old Sarah wouldn't have been able to listen to that voice. She would have caved, would have texted a desperate, almost needy, apology. I did thank him for not "coddling me" because that's part of what hindered my growth. (He hasn't replied, but I'm trying not to worry about that.) I'm getting emotional thinking about this because it's like... wow. I have come a long way. I just don't get the chance to see it all that often. It feels pretty good and is encouraging for the future. I can keep going. And I will.